Reduced attraction after marriage/fatherhood

Dear Arun, It's great to see someone realize that the state you are in needs correction! I'll do my best to help you out. Allright lets get to work :-)

Nature has created the sexual instinct in man to serve the following purposes when focussed right:
1. Progeny.
2. Produce marital bondage with one's spouse at the initial stages of marriage.

Based on your question and assuming you had a healthy attraction for your wife prior to childbirth, lets analyse the situation. Men and women are basically wired to get attracted to each other by nature. Nature's intention behind such an equation is to bring together two people into a state where they cohabit, produce offspring and then for the most crucial aspect - Stay together to form a happy family unit. For the sake of analysis, lets imagine a theoretical state where there was no attraction between two strangers called a man and a woman. Would they ever come near each other? or if they did would they be willing to stay together, bear responsibilities and do things for each other as a family? The general answer is 'NO'. Hence nature has come up with this thing called attraction that leads to forming a family unit.

It's here that there is a catch. Nature always programs a couple to feel this thing called 'attraction' at the physical, mental and emotional levels only up to a certain point of time. This state is produced as already mentioned in order to weld them together in setting up a family. Once this objective is achieved, the state of attraction naturally starts to wean. This is actually nature's pointer to the couple that having now formed a family unit they should move on and introduce a new foundation on which their marital relationship would henceforth rest. And that new foundation is based on concepts of unconditional companionship, trust, true love, consideration etc.. It is precisely for this reason that a marriage/relationship based only on physical attributes/sex has a short life.

Man erringly assumes the sensation of sex to be of paramount pleasure and something to be had all through his life. Blinded by this falsity he fails to realize that he can achieve states of mind/consciousness which are miles ahead of the sex plane in ecstasy. It is here that the concept of 'Brahmacharya' acts as a means to achieve these higher states. The net meaning of the word 'Brahmacharya' is to perform as per the dictates of the 'Brahman' or the Almighty who is always in a state of 'Paramananda' or eternal bliss. The important thing here is to shift the focus of pleasure from the sensation of sex to communion with the blessed lord in a gradual manner by thinking less on sex and more on god.

Coming to the question on hand, put your mind into a life based on true love and kindness. True love is unconditional. The giver of true love derives immense pleasure from the act of giving. He is not bothered whether he gets it back in reciprocation. When you truly love your beloved wife, her physical body or dressing will have no bearing on your desire to spend time with her and give her happiness at the innate level. Your wife is in reality God in the human form cooking for you, serving you and smiling at you. Realize the falsity of bodily attraction which is temporary and the effect of Maya (illusion). Gradually reduce the frequency of ejaculation and then reduce the frequency of sexual intercourse itself. This will then help get over dependency on recreational sex and lead to absolute Brahmacharya. Semen is the nectar in a man. The more he conserves this divine fluid the more he shines and prospers. Set aside some time everyday to:

1. Indulge in some form of physical exercise.
2. Stimulate your mind with intellectual work (most of us have this at our work place)
3. Indulge in 'Atmic Vichara' or quest of who you are by reading the summary of Holy treatises such as the 'Bhagavad gita' or 'Bible' or 'Quran' based on which ever religion you belong and by practising meditation.

Be ruthless in avoiding the sight, sound, smell, taste and touch of anything which fires up the sex plane. With consistent, true and honest efforts God will without doubt extend his hand to you and pull you up. Hope this puts you on the right track. Get back for clarifications if any.