Frustrating voluntary breaks
Question
Dear Guruji,
I keep on breaking the practice voluntarily and in a grotesque manner, despite having tasted unfathomable bliss, guidance from God and repeated plus ongoing punishment directly traceable to the act of wrong doing. I have developed vairagya and also a lot of practical knowledge through trial and error, and yet I DELIBERATELY fall. Please help me get over these voluntary breaks. Despite having noticed and felt God, I lose awareness of him further to a break and surrender and devotion become a problem. Should I take a formal vow to Gayatri Ma and how can this be done? There doesn't seem to be any priest I can trust over here. I want the vow to be official and motivated by fear of punishment.
Answer
1. Persevere to the best of your effort in Sadhana. The Ego, which is stumbling due to Agnyana will be dealt with by HIM, in the way required, so as to merge it into the self. HE will arrange life experiences in such a way that the Ego will be straightened out, so as to fix it in unwavering practice, through punishment or otherwise.
2. Taking a formal vow will not be necessary for now. Simply continue with the suggested practice, cent percent with devotion to HIM. Do this much regularly, without fail and be patient. HE will take care of the rest.
ॐ तत् सत्
(That Supreme being is the absolute truth)