Guilty feelings
Question
I'm 23. I fantasized a sports anchor wearing revealing clothes and searched her up in google images to intensify it on her scantily clad images. It feels disgusting that I did that though I know she is a married woman. Though I used to fantasize before, they were fictitious. I watched a few soft core porn clips(I couldn't escape seeing horrible images that pop up while browsing for sensual and I regret seeing them), but feeling wrong I quit it. I don't like myself that I watched them. I'll be filled with guilt when I come across her occasionally while watching the sport and the guilt lingers over. I fantasized her so can't be erased from my memory. I feel soiled. You would ask me to do practices. I am doing them already and will continue doing them. But how do I get over this guilt?
Answer
Put it behind and look forward. Fantasy is imagination and can be stopped with meditation on the truth. One must constantly meditate and hold on to the self through Sadhana. Then, unwanted stimuli do not affect. A wall of purity engulfs the mind, which gets steady.
ॐ तत् सत्
(That Supreme being is the absolute truth)