Fear and brahmacharya

QUESTION: Dear Dhananjay,

I hope this message finds you in good health.

You are my guru and my authority for learning about brahmacharya, and your answers have given me strength to tread this path. I am around 20 years old, and I had problems with keeping my mind clean of impure thoughts, but it has been almost 3 months since I have maintained physical brahmacharya (no self-abuse, but occasional lapses into pornography).

One thing that I really struggle with is controlling lustful thoughts. The issue is as follows. When I see an externally beautiful woman, the only way I can induce vairagya is to think of Swami Sivananda's decaying body technique. Perception of the gross materials of the human body is also sufficient to make me open my eyes. However, I find this troubling.

Although I am improving in my courage, I find my mind mentally disturbed and unable to concentrate on my duties after I have induced vairagya by looking at pictures of mummies, plastinated bodies, Gunther Von Hagens, etc. It is OK even when bodies are preserved, but the sight of decaying corpses fills me not only with vairyaga (which is good) but also fear, nervousness, and depression (which is bad).

I fall at your feet and ask for your advice. I need to maintain vairagya, but not at the expense of screwing up my mental state. Seeing such ghastly images of the human body incites fear, but WHY? It is worse when I am alone at home. Is it because society has brainwashed us into respecting the body and scary movies portray dead bodies and spirits as scary? Is it my fault? Dear Brother, please help me-I need to conquer this obstacle to move on.

How can one maintain the bliss of detachment without this fear? Or, after a certain point, do you not feel fear even when thinking about decaying corpses? We don't feel fear and agitation when we see a decaying animal on the road. But I do when I think of the same of a gorgeous damsel.

Please tell me both the root of these problems and remedies through which I can solve them and progress. The most important problem is that when I try to meditate, I see these gruesome images and my tapas is disturbed and unfruitful.

My sincere regards,
Shravan

ANSWER: "A fraction of the beauty of the Atman (self), shines through the body of a man or woman at youth, making the unreal and lifeless body, which is nothing but a lump of flesh appear real and desirable. Those who want to eternally enjoy the real beauty should seek the Atman - the source of that beauty and not the bag of flesh, which eventually rots away" - Always remember the truth behind this line and memorize it. Recall it whenever a lustful thought emerges at the sight of the opposite sex and hold on to the self as you do in meditation.

Just as moonlight at night, reflecting on a seashell, on the sands of a beach makes the shell appear as silver, a very minute fraction of the Lord's power shines though the impermanent body at youth, giving it the power of attraction, so as to attract a mate to aid creation. This is Maya. Maya is that which makes the unreal appear real. It is the power of illusion. Once this purpose is served, the Atman starts to withdraw its beauty and the body starts losing its sheen with age. Imagine the body of a beautiful man or woman in old age, wrinkled, decaying, emitting a foul smell. Where is the beauty?

The unreal body, which starts rotting with age, completely showing its foul nature the moment the Atman vacates it at death, has no independent existence of its own. Just as a seashell is not silver, but appears that way by virtue of moonlight reflecting off it, it is not the body which is beautiful but the power of the Atman or Lord which shines though it, making it appear beautiful. The wise who seek eternal bliss and liberation do not run after the seashell, mistaking it for silver. Such action only ends in disappointment & sorrow. They do not fall for the illusion, but ever keep their minds on the self, reminding themselves of this truth.

Absorb the essence of this truth and remember it at all times. Recall it when troubled. Keep the mind one pointed on the Lord who is nothing but the self. Always persevere at regular and honest 'Sadhana' (practice). Never interrupt it. Regular & unbroken Sadhana is very important till one realizes the self. As long as you do so, no harm will come to you and all fears will be kept at bay.

ॐ तत् सत्
(That Supreme being is the absolute truth)

[an error occurred while processing this directive]---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thank you so much for you response.

Indeed, from this response and your previous ones, I understand that indeed, the body is a rottable bag of flesh that starts showing its true nature once the atman departs. In fact, even before any rotting, it is a gross collection of muscles, bones, ligaments, etc, hardly something to be aroused by.

However, my question concerns the fact that my mental state of happiness, peace, and well-being is disturbed when I consider this truth and particularly, when I think of a decaying body. For some reason, seeing/thinking/observing of the rotting degeneration of the human body fills me with fear and also sickens me to such a point where I CANNOT successfully focus on my daily activities. Does this make sense?

In other words, how do you, as an experienced practitioner, manage to both induce vairagya in yourself with these thoughts of the true nature of the body and still stay undisturbed and calm? E.g. I cannot see pictures of Egyptian mummies during night time by myself, but I DON'T understand where this fear is derived from?