trapped
Question
I am a 59 year old man that has been addicted to masturbation and pornography for all of these years. I am married but this addiction has destroyed my physical relationship with my wife. I feel that my only hope is celibacy. I really and truly want to know if it is possible for someone of my age to become celibate. Is their such a chemical imbalance now that it is impossible? Unless I do something, I will die in this addiction. How do I start? With just a decision to stop? I have tried before and can stop for periods of weeks but inevitably I fall again. I really appreciate your answers. Blessings to you.
Answer
Hello Rod :-)
Its really nice to see one realize the ill effects of porn and wanton sexuality. You mustve heard the saying Better late than never. This applies to celibacy and purity also. Lets address the problem on hand.
Q1: Is it possible to be celibate after midlife?
A: Celibacy or Brahmacharya is mans journey back to divinity and purity. It is immaterial of ones age and gender. While the ill effects of uncontrolled sexuality no doubt take a big toll at the physical, mental and karmic plane with time, there is no better cure and hope than celibacy. Celibacy alone is the cure in the path of undoing ones wrongs. You have taken the first right decision in showing interest in chastity.
Q2: What is the technique to de-addict oneself from pornography and masturbation?
A: This is one objective, the achievement of which depends on the success of a multi pronged attack against the delusive senses. I will outline some of the techniques you can employ:
STEP I: Creative activity to keep the mind busy:
The tendency to watch porn and masturbate grows in people who make time for it. Keep yourself busy with productive and creative activity. If you are a working professional, devote all your energies into work during work hours. Dont let the mind wander to the opposite sex. You will have to be very strict and firm while enforcing this. Remember always to be on alert against the onslaught of the senses. Work with the aim of giving your heart and soul towards the job on hand and creating something valuable for yourself and those dear to you. Being busy and thereby keeping the mind occupied on worthy pursuits is the best panacea to prevent lust from sowing its seeds.
STEP II: Physical exercise:
Indulge in moderate physical exercise or play a sport you like early in the morning at least for an hour or so. Physical exercise converts sexual energy into bodily health and strength. When you feel strong, bright and cheerful, disgust will dawn at the concept of filthy sexuality. Pornography and masturbation are the worst forms of artificial and degenerative sexuality. Keep the thought of their ill effects in mind whenever you feel tempted towards porn.
STEP III: Filters:
Install a powerful net content filter on your system (K9 web protect is a good option. You can download it free from: http://www1.k9webprotection.com/getk9/download-software.php) If necessary ask your wife to choose the password and not to tell you the same. This will prevent access to harmful sites. Make your computer a device to access matter related to spirituality and well being. Let it be the gateway to freedom from porn.
STEP IV: True love for ones spouse:
Rod, we should always remember that the near and dear people we come across in life are special manifestations of god trying to enrich our life. Your wife is god in the human form, talking, serving, smiling and being there for you. Keep in mind the way she serves you with love, affection, concern and understanding. Is it right for us to be selfish and undermine such a person? Keep in mind the happiness she will experience further to true love and attention from your side as her life partner. The happiness she gets from you being strong, bright and contented. True love is not based on bodily beauty. The bodily beauty in a man or woman is an illusion. It is akin to a mirage. It was never really there. Keep this in mind. A person addicted to sexuality can never be a good human being. He firstly does injustice to himself by becoming firewood to the fire of lust. Direct your energies towards being a good husband and a human being.
STEP V: Prayer to god:
Set aside some time of the day to meditate upon god. Further to meditation pray to god honestly and sincerely with the temerity of a child to redeem you of all ills. With the divine grace of god, nothing is impossible. This is very important.
I would suggest you to read The practice of Brahmacharya by his holiness Swami Sivananda to help you in your journey. It is available at: http://www.dlshq.org/download/brahma_nopic.htm
Trust this helps. I wish you speedy growth in the path of celibacy and redemption from the ill effects of lust and temptation. Don't hesitate to ask questions if any.
God bless and have a nice day :-)
Dhananjay