after married life

QUESTION: Sir

I like to continue Brahmacharya life, Now I am single, but I am in afraid of Married life, After married life if partner wants to sexual life what I can do? can I change their interest to brahmacharya life? parents pushing me to have a married life what can I do sir?

ANSWER: Unless a man wishes to become a Sannyasi (renunciate monk) and serve the needs of the society, it is part of one's duty to enter matrimony and produce offspring, thereby contributing to continuation of the human race as desired by God. Hence it is perfectly normal, valid and rational to get married and evolve through the institution called marriage.

A married householder contributes to the society equally and justly just as a Sannyasi if he leads a life based on spirituality, virtue, discipline and Brahmacharya even after marriage. By accepting the vows of marriage, he agrees to stay by and be of moral and emotional support to his partner through the highs and lows of life. He expresses his love for humanity by being loyal and supportive to his wife who is after all another 'soul' - An extension of the Almighty. He accords social and familial security to a woman - two important factors, which every woman needs for happiness and emotional well being. Most importantly, he provides companionship to his wife at the individual level and gives himself companionship so both can work towards realizing the meaning of life through efforts at self-realization. So marriage is a holy institution of sanctity which helps man to evolve spiritually if handled properly.

Further to marriage, the man and wife should try immediately for begetting an offspring; for the arrival of an offspring is a key factor in ensuring that the equation and relationship between man and wife does not get limited to sexuality but moves towards spirituality. When the man has led a life of virtue and Brahmacharya, he would be well versed with the reasons behind the need for Brahmacharya as regards both men and women. He should educate his wife regarding the need for the same and inculcate in her a spiritual tendency aimed at God-devotion and surrender. Further, he should strongly work towards reverting to his state of Brahmacharya after his wife conceives by taking her into confidence as regards this mode of life. If this is not possible all of a sudden, he should gradually work at acomplishing the same in a sustained manner with perseverance. If the intentions and efforts at Brahmacharya and self-realization are strong and genuine, if devotion to God and the accomplishment of the highest is the top priority, the man gets blessed with a wife who is also spiritually minded with love and devotion for God. Even if the woman does not have a strong tendency for spirituality, she will eventually convert her attitude to one supportive of spirituality. Such a wife supports the man in his life of Brahmacharya. She aids the man in his quest for spiritual growth and will not be an impediment.

But for this, the man should by himself have a strong desire and longing to achieve spotless Brahmacharya. He should strive at limiting sexual contact for progeny and nothing more. His mind should be mostly centered on God and not the senses. Then this becomes possible. Then such a marriage based on Brahmacharya can be maintained without much effort. The wife will also eventually see sense and meaning behind the benefits of Brahmacharya and the demerits that come further to a life of sexuality for recreation. The man should make the wife understand right from the start that the purpose of sexuality is procreation and not recreation. Women are very adaptable and adjusting as long as the man is clear about what is needed and sure of himself and his objective. It is only when the man becomes a slave to passion that women follow suit.

A Brahmachari should invest the majority of his energy towards God-realization and a small percentage of energy towards being kind to himself, his wife and the world around him. This will automatically make the wife understand that the man's priority is based on the higher things of life and its purpose and not on base passions and desires. This will eventually make the wife look up to the man with appreciation and admiration, leading to support. She will prove to be a faithful and loyal wife.

Further to the birth of a child or two, the man and wife should work at achieving spotless Brahmacharya and completely give up on physical contact based on sexuality. Any form of contact carried out with sexual intentions must be stopped in totality. Their energies should be focused on attaining to the highest through a life high on purity, virtue and devotion to God. This will lead to a very strong and loving relationship based on true love, understanding and trust between each other as 'souls' and not as bodies. Such a marriage based on Brahmacharya is rock solid and true to the finest extent. It is true wedlock where each person strives to see the other as a divine soul - the manifestation of God and not as the body. This is the truth and is based on my own personal experience, further to the life of Brahmacharya which myself and my wife practice. Such a marriage is blessed by the Gods from above and is unbreakable. The couple are truly soul mates. There is no limiting expectation or selfish desire towards each other in terms of the body or the mind. It becomes a pure and divine marriage based on attaining to the purpose of the human existence - Self-realization through absolute surrender and devotion to the Almighty.

Contrary to general perception, such a marriage based on Brahmacharya will last strong and firm as long as the man and woman live. It is marriages based on sexuality that have a high chance of breakup or divorce; for desire can never be sated and each person always wants more and gets disillusioned if the other is not matching up to expectations. This is the reason why there is a high divorce rate accross the globe. Most marriages today thrive on lust, passion, financial expectations and sexuality and this always leads to fouling up the relationship; for the true marriage has nothing to do with financial status and the divine act of reproduction is being misused for recreation and entertainment. Such a relationship does not last beyond a certain limit and even if it does leads to very unhappy conditions in the marriage. Anger and animosity between husband and wife vanish when both become Brahmacharis. True love is beyond the body, lust and desire. It does not require the use of the body or mind for fulfillment. True love is nothing but the Atman and is God himself in expression.

So by all means should you enter matrimony as expected by your parents. In the natural course of things, birth of a child should be high priority after marriage and this should not be delayed or postponed. One may be tested with tough times by God himself to check if our resolve and intentions are honest and sincere. But if our efforts at attaining to Brahmacharya are strong and genuine, God paves the way for everything to move smoothly and auspiciously. Providing an understanding and supportive partner is something which is taken care of by the Almighty within the twinkling of an eye.

ॐ तत् सत्
(That Supreme being is the absolute truth)

[an error occurred while processing this directive]---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Sir , Please clear my one doubts also, When I ask about my interest of brahmacharya to people , they told me that "in this yuga Brahmacharya is not possible, if u want such life do not marry a girl, If u marry it is a cruelty to your partner and there is a chance of her escape with another guy",. Is it true, thank for your valuable information

God bless u