Failed

Dear Sanj,

The episode that you describe is generally a result of past karma unfolding and working itself out. When the seeds of very strong sexual 'Vâsanâs' dating back to many previous births start to surface while being vacated, they manifest the quality and nature of the action that they represent. The surfacing of past karma during the course of its evacuation is a process that is inevitable and unavoidable in each and every aspirant. Depending on the nature of the past karma embedded in the causal body, different people experience different kinds of occurance.

The discharge of semen, either voluntary or involuntary in the waking or the dream state further to sexual thoughts amounts to a break in the 12 year cycle. However, what one needs to remember is that unbroken and uninterrupted Brahmacharya is impossible without the evacuation of embedded past 'Vâsanâs'. This loss of semen further to stimulation was necessary in the karmic cycle to make you realize the fact that more stringency and efforts are required from your side as regards to keeping the mind free from contemplating on sexual thoughts. It was necessary to take you a step closer in realizing the pain and distress that comes from sexuality and the bliss and life that comes through continence. An important fact unknown to most people is that Rethas (semen) gets into the 'ejaculatory mode' even through fantasy or sexual contemplation without ejaculation. Each and every time sexual thoughts are let to flower and develop the 'Ojas' that the Brahmachari has conserved reverses into Rethas (semen) in the ejaculatory mode and becomes sexual in nature. Once 'Ojas' reaches this state, it has to be thrown out. There is no other alternative. Rethas (semen) which is being produced by the body can be converted to 'Ojas' through conservation and transmutation but the 'Ojas' which is thus produced, if reversed back into Rethas (semen) through sexual fantasy cannot be re-converted to 'Ojas'. It is a unidirectional process and not bidirectional. Suppose a man spends a few minutes each day fantasizing on the opposite sex and but does not ejaculate or masturbate, a certain percentage of his 'Ojas' reverts back to Rethas. But he has not masturbated or ejaculated, so this reconverted Rethas stays as physical semen. After a few more days or weeks of continued sexual fantasy, more and more 'Ojas' reverts to the Rethas state, a little at each fantasy. Once this volume of degenerated 'Ojas' that has been reverted to the Rethas state reaches a certain volume, the body expels it through a wet dream or even an ejaculation in the wakeful state through some form of physical stimulation.

The reason behind the process of transmutation being unidirectional is that 'Prâna' that semen is surcharged with gets dissipated with each and every sexual fantasy. Each and every time man contemplates on the opposite sex with sexual intentions, 'Prâna' (vital life energy) that semen has been surcharged with dissipates and escapes from the fluid. Further to being sapped of its life energy, the fluid called semen becomes a lifeless and dead fluid of little use to the body. The body now recognizes it as a waste product and expels it at the earliest. This is the reason semen that is produced through the digestive process can be transmuted to 'Ojas' whereas 'Ojas' that degenerates back into Rethas further to sexual fantasy cannot be sublimated. It can only be thrown out.

The nature of the mind itself is thought. Sexual thoughts arise and appear due to ignorance around the soul accrued through past karma. So one need not worry much on the appearance of a sexual thought. What is very important is to immediately displace these sexual thoughts and replace them with an opposite and constructive thought. This is where most people err. Instead of displacing sexual thoughts by replacing them with opposite thoughts by diverting the mind on some constructive thought pattern or activity, people try to fight and wrestle with sexual thoughts head on. They try to convert sexual thoughts into pure thoughts which is impossible. This is like trying to make the fire radiate cold. The nature of fire is heat. Heat and fire go together. Can anyone succeed in parting heat from fire and succeed in making fire radiate cold? Impossible. Sexual thoughts are exactly alike. One cannot fight them and try to find some semblance of virtue within a sexual thought. If wants to get rid of the thought, one should replace the entire chain of these thoughts with an opposite chain of constructive and virtuous thoughts. This can be accomplished through constructive activity and contemplation on God and by no other means.  

This is what a successful Brahmachari does. It is not that through Brahmacharya he becomes free from sexual thoughts all of a sudden right from the start. As long as past 'Vâsanâs' or tendencies that have been formed through past karma have not been fully cleansed, sexual thoughts show their heads every now and then when previous karma unfolds. There is no need to worry or fear when this happens. What is very important is to immediately delete these thoughts by repleting the mind with opposite thoughts. If one does not do this and instead continues to fantasize or wrestle with these thoughts, he will be fighting a losing battle. There need be no doubt about this. Sexual desire is a product of 'Mâya' or the illusive power of creation. One cannot fight 'Maya' through the reason or rationality of intellect. 'Maya' can only be displaced by replacing it with 'Vidya' (knowledge of the self). Hence the need to keep the mind free from situations that generate sexual thoughts and anchor it to God.

Coming to the break that you experienced, worry not about the happening and do not get depressed. What has happened has happened and is over. You have repented for the break and have realized the mistake. This is very important. Never repeat the mistake again. Lust has the uncanny ability to surface out of nowhere and take hold of situations. It fools and defeats the most clever and wise of men without a moments notice. Again it is nowhere but within our own psyche and imagination. Within our own past actions and tendencies. It is not the woman who is dangerous to a Brahmachari but dangerous is his perspective towards the woman. If one strives to look at all women as 'souls'- The manifestation of God, discarding the external body, Brahmacharya becomes very easy. It may not be easy at the start but becomes easier with constant efforts, prayer to God and his grace. Hence none are to be blamed for failure but we ourselves. Take it as a learning experience and continue your efforts with more zeal and fervor.

ॐ तत् सत्
(That Supreme being is the absolute truth)